Why PC ISNT for lovers

This is a blog post from my beloved friend, Sarah Edwards, who is serving in Cameroon. She wrote this post and with her permission I am reposting it on my blog because there is so much truth in it..

 I recently saw this article, “10 reasons why the Peace Corps is for lovers”. I though that it was cute but based on exception rather than the rules. Peace Corps is absolutely not a place to fall in love. Make strong friendships, yes. Looooooove? Hell no.
Here’s my reasoning:
1. Peace Corps is like high school… PCVs are only second in gossiping abilities to Cameroonians in my village. Kongosa is the pidgin work for gossip, and believe you me, it’s impossible to go through a day without hearing some kongosa. By the time that we move to our post we know or have a sense of at least most of the volunteers in the country…including who’s dating/casually seeing/having drama with who. Do you really want your name getting mixed up in that? Brings us to #2
2. Peace Corps incest. If one is only looking to be involved with other PCVs there’s more than a good chance that they will have gotten with someone else you know, or possible several someones. Small dating pool with a tendency for casual hookups, people. Tread carefully.
3. Peace Corps messes us up emotionally. The highs are higher, yes, but the lows seem so much lower. Trying to add the emotional turmoil of relationship dynamics to that already roiling stew of emotions? Good luck.
4. Distance difficulties. As PCVs we’re expected to spend most of our time in village, so even dating someone in the same country may mean that you only see them a few times a month if you’re lucky, or even as infrequently as every few months. The closer your LOVAH is to your post, the easier that would make the relationship…but then the harder it would be if it ending. Dating your postmate sounds like a recipe for disaster in my book, but I know it’s been done.
5. While there may be something exotic and romantic about the idea of dating a host-country national (HCN) there are a whole new set of problems that then have to be navigated. Do they see you as a walking green card? Can you communicate clearly enough to know that you’re both on the same page? How about the financial differences? While the PC paycheck is small, it’s still larger than that of many HCNs. Cultural differences may seem interesting and charming at first, but often prove insurmountable. Example: In Cameroon, the concept of monogamy is seen as more “flexible” than is standard in the US. Does not exactly make for easy relationships there.
6. Same sex relationships are a million times more difficult here. While looking at hetero-normative relationships there seem to be enough troubles, add into the idea that whole different battle is being fought around homosexuality in many of the Peace Corps countries. While in the US the fight is over the legality of marriage, in many of these places, its about the legality of the act. People have been killed for being gay here. For PCVs to be involved in same sex relationships a whole new level of danger is undertaken. If you ask me, love is love, but sadly it isn’t seen that way here.
7. The idea of someone who wants to take care of you when you’re sick is sweet, but in reality doesn’t pan out as well. We are all sick more often here than we ever were at home, and not in a cute,way. Add in the less frequent showers due to limited water and romantic feelings might die a slow, sad death.
8. Peace Corps is about growth. While for some it’s easy to grow alongside someone else, often these things are best faced in the discomfort of being alone.
I have seen some adorable PCV couples and some impressively successful PCV/HCN relationships, so clearly it’s possible. But if you ask me, Peace Corps is for friends, not for lovers. Who else would you be able to complain with if your relationship goes bad? Your friend. When you can’t hold down food in a spectacularly unattractive manner? When you’re wondering if that “Peace Corps 15″ is noticeable?
Call me a cynic, but I see that Peace Corps is a time for being alone, or for learning how to rely on friends. Because the chances of a friendship going sour are much like Cameroon’s chances at the last world cup: slim to none.